pure heroine




imagine if china, while they’re up on the moon, decides to knock down the US flag or whatever just to say ‘screw you’ and its like, what are we gonna do? spend a couple million just to fly some craft up to the moon and re-erect the flag? the whole scenario would be petty and that’s hilarious 

i have lived in america my entire life and i am 100% sure we would do exactly that

omfg we so would we suck 

(Source: exeggcute)

Apr 24218,471 notes
Tumblr I want to tell you a story


One time I got reblogged by Lorde.


Apr 249,455 notes




If you cloned yourself and then got a handjob from your clone, is that incest, homosexual, or masturbation?

its a sin thats what it is

I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this.

Apr 23102,022 notes



my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you

sounds like me oddly enough

(Source: biforce)

Apr 23403,223 notes
  • me: im so tired, i could collapse into bed and sleep for a year..
  • me: gets in bed
  • me: how was earth created
  • me: who made microwaves
  • me: how does the internet even work
  • me: i'm hungry
  • me: feels bad about something i did 4 years ago
  • me: remembers 73 unfinished tasks
  • me: too tired to sleep
  • Apr 2370,286 notes


    I’m like 25% funny and 85% bad at math

    Apr 22182,106 notes